Carpe Diem

"The European Dream" and reality

Many times I have heard Russian tourists coming back from France, disappointed: “My image of Paris is not corresponding to what I thought: it is dirty and... so many African people live there!” (Sorry about dirt, but except for a lack of education and politico-social problems, I cannot find anything else justifying this obvious deficiency of cleanliness in France).

Of course I listened and tried to explain a bit of our historical background, but I understood afterwards it was in vain. Russians were not so shocked about our way of life, but disillusioned from their perception of the country, based on XIXth- XXth centuries’ literature, singers and actors - not corresponding with the current reality concerning the people and the society.

Every time I meet a new person who has never been to Paris, but dreams of it, they tell me a Russian saying, “After seeing Paris, you can die”. An old quotation (XIXth century) that came to be the title of a movie in the 1990s. Alternatively, I read that O. W. Holmes said, “Good Americans, when they die, go to Paris.” Later on, Oscar Wilde supported this idea, and in the Times (2002), we could read, “‘Like any other city: big, noisy, crowded. You don't have to believe that Paris is worth the place where good Americans go to die to disagree.”

So if the two largest nations on Earth (Russia and the USA) think that way – it must be true! More seriously, this saying means to make one’s dream - true. But even if Russians travel more now in Europe, they still keep the idea of France as a Dream Land.

And I should point out, as I already said previously, that most women I know who had recently married a French man, didn’t make it and came back to Russia after divorcing. Disillusion, eyes opened on reality, and of course, when you go somewhere to escape your problems – nothing good can come out of it.

Philosophy of life

We already talked about the Russian vision on life (car accident, fate), but let’s add a bit more, as it is one of the reasons I stayed in Russia.

Because people in Russia are used to economic, political, and social instability from the past, the present, (and who knows - maybe the future), they have an extraordinary ability to adapt to any situation. In 2009, after the world economic crisis started - or more precisely became official and suddenly amplified, I saw an exceptional human solidarity among people, lending money to each other with total trust, but adding a percentage as if they were getting money from a bank (this approach is common here, hardly comprehensible by French people). And I should say according to my experiences that most money I gave to Europeans never came back to me, while in Russia, I don’t even think too much about it – it always comes back.

To have money today, to lose it tomorrow, to have a job yesterday, but not today – people don’t worry about that too much, they just enjoy the present day (Carpe Diem in Latin), which only stays at a philosophical state, a dream at an occidental level. And so speak the Russians, “Why worry about the future? Today you don’t have a job – tomorrow you might have one. And the same for everything! No place stays empty. Something will come – that’s for sure!”

According to an occidental way of thinking – and I’ll speak more of course about a European one, if you cannot project yourself in the next 10-15 years, it’s abnormal. And if plans are not going exactly the way you expected - life is over; too much pressure from all sides. That is why, I guess, there are more and more depressed and suicidal people nowadays.

I can remember my grandfather asking me when I started my profession, “Do you think about your retirement? You know that your generation won’t have anything from the government – think about it!” But after I left for Russia, I got more relaxed about these questions and started to think differently, taking life as it comes. Why worry about an unknown future? Better to trust life!

However, this view of life sometimes stops Russians from evolving in life: they become lazy, don’t make plans or projects, have no motivation, desire or even hope for a better future. They are satisfied with what they have (or convince themselves of it), without thinking of something they’d like more. And if they do think of it – they’ll mourn: “Everything is so bad in Russia, how can I live and enjoy it here, when anywhere else is better.”

When this kind of situation occurs – just plug your ears, it’ll quickly go by. You can also answer with their favorite saying: “Everything will be fine.” I’m not sure they ever believe in it, but be ready to hear it many times a day from different people.

Another interesting thing about Russians - they react more peacefully to things. As we previously saw, they look at things more passively, lightly worrying about material things and the little things of life, making fewer scandals than French…famous to be moaners!

For example, I will stay polite, but won’t be afraid to tell a waiter that my plate is cold. I’ll ask for another one or ask not to pay for it. A Russian will usually stay silently angry (and hungry!), will say no word, pay, and just never come again.

The problem can occur in the provinces, where there are only a few good restaurants, so if you eliminate one, you will soon stay at home cooking your entire life.

Is there really something terrible about complaining in a restaurant, especially if it is done without aggression or superiority complex? Maybe the cook was different that day or didn’t pay much attention. And is it logical not to go back there anymore after a simple disappointment?

One day, my ex-boyfriend went for breakfast in a new French café (supposedly French). Expensive of course because it was “exotic”, but more shining from the decoration then in the food. He ordered Sirniki (small Russian pancakes), but the milk was obviously sour. He told the waiter (got lessons from me I guess), and of course, didn’t eat more of it. The bill came and he asked why he should pay (another lesson from me). The (unexpected and very funny!) answer: “you tasted it – I can see the bite, so you should pay for it.” He paid, left, and as a good Russian, never came back again.

And that is just one example among hundreds of others I could write on the same topic.